Plan for your Big day, prepare for your every day after

Plan for your Big day, Prepare for your every day after

If you were like me growing up, having a fairy tale wedding was never a thing that kept you awake at night. I knew that I would one day, somehow get married and there would be a wedding involved, but I was not really overcome with the thought of how or even when it would happen. I just knew that one day it would happen. For the longest time, I thought that marriage was all really based on the wedding day. People getting married around me would spend so much energy and time on planning for the day that I honestly did not think that there was an aftermath to it. Now hold on, before you start to think that this post is about marriage and how to stay married, it’s not. Fam, I have only been married for a little over a month...I'm out here counting on Jesus to take me through just like with everything else. In this post, I’d simply like to share with you a few things that really helped us during the process of planning for our big day while keeping in mind and not loosing sight of what was coming right after—marriage. I really hope it helps you as well.

I believe being a soon to be bride and groom, is one of the most exciting experiences there is (I think I can assume the same for my now husband because...the man was pretty excited too!!!). You start to get all these ideas that you would have never thought of and discuss all the different possibilities of what the Big Day could be. Conversations revolve around, decor, food, guest lists etc. It's like you can't think of anything else! Somewhere, in the midst of all that, is when the both of you need to take a step back and think things through just a bit more because most of the elements involved in the planning of your Big Day, require MONEY and if you are like me and my now husband when we started planning for our wedding, you do not have alot of it. Obviously when it comes down to it, your wedding day is yours and what/ how you would like it to be is totally up to you but think about it… is debt necessary for ONE day? Is that the trade off you are willing to make for one day?

My tips and tricks for having a beautiful wedding on a budget:

     1. BE ONE: Sit down as partners and plan before the whole world plus their aunts and uncles start giving you their input about what your day should look like. What do the both of you want? How do you want your day to look? Be realistic about how much you can and/or are willing to spend. If the both of you come to an agreement that works, it becomes easier for you to agree or disagree with other opinions that may come your way. And trust me, they will come because we all know the wedding day often ends up being more than about just the two of you. This is not to say that other opinions are not good or needed. I came to the realization that especially with wedding planning, it is often easy to have tunnel vision so, external advice and recommendations are sometimes needed. But if the both of you have a clear idea and understanding of what you want, it becomes so much easier to discern what advice/recommendations to take and those to kindly reject (it is okay to say “no thanks”).

2.  SET A BUDGET AND STICK WITH IT: Ladies...you do not need that $500 pair of Jimmy Choo's (your dress usually covers them anyways). Or that extra snack bar when you already have dessert with your meal and will be sharing your cake. Be realistic about how much you are willing to spend on your day, start saving towards it as early as possible and try your very best not to exceed it unless you absolutely need to. Everything adds up and very quickly for your wedding day. There is absolutely no need to create debt for yourselves where it is not needed. Seriously, if it wasn't part of your initial plan, 9 out of 10 times, I can assure you that don’t need it! You may not be quite there yet, but one of the worst things to start off your marriage with is making payments for things you probably did not even need at the wedding but only realized after the fact. If you're like me, you most likely have big student loans patiently waiting for you to start paying back all so save your coinssss. Even if you don't have student loans to pay back, how about simply beginning your marriage with a debt-free wedding? (I will put links below to some of the places and vendors that we used who are willing to accommodate your budgets and work with you to bring your vision to reality)

3.  ASK FOR HELP AND DELEGATE: This is huge!!! Planning a wedding is not easy! Once you begin, you quickly come to the realization that there are so many things to consider that you never thought of. Family and friends want to help, so give them the chance. When they tell you "Let me know if you need anything”, take them up on the offer and let them know. It will do you more good than harm (of course in doing so, I'm sure you already know those you can really rely on). Even before I started to plan for my wedding, one of my prayers was for God to bring people my way that would help me with the planning and boy did He exceed my expectations! I will be forever grateful to all of those who came through for me and helped me have a stress-free wedding day.

     3.    a) After you’ve asked for and accepted help, delegate and be willing to trust your delegates with the tasks. If you have gathered the willpower to delegate, there must be some level of trust. Do not go into bridezilla or groomzilla mode and start breathing down their necks every five minutes; leave them to do the work you have humbly asked them to do. We all know you want things done a certain way so make your requests as clear as possible and then let go (check in only when needed). Nobody gets bridezillas anymore… They're just annoying. Make up your mind and keep it moving. Keep in mind that you still want to have a decent relationship with your friends and family after the wedding - so chiiillll!

3.     b) Another thing that I think is fitting to add here is to ask a lot of questions, especially from previous brides. They have been where you are and can give you a lot of pointers...and share some of their mistakes to avoid. What worked for them and what didn't. These are all things that will be worth your while.

4. PICK YOUR BATTLES: This was literally my motto throughout my planning. It's so important to establish your priorities-- what are the most important things to you both? (let's not forget it's about him too). Is it your dress/suit, decor, music? Focus on it and make it the best for you and spend less time, effort and money on the other stuff. Of course, strive for a considerable level of balance with everything else but really, if it's not your priority, don't break your back. For our wedding, the most important thing for us was having all our family and friends gather in one place to celebrate with us on our special day and the weather. We didn't really have any say about the weather (although the weather was perfect) but we chose to focus on what was important to us while keeping other things like decor, food, entertainment etc. in mind. Our guests were the highlight of our wedding day and we will always remember everyone that was there. If your "most important" thing is decor, the dress/suit, food, entertainment, or something else, go for it! Spend time and money to make it exactly how you have envisioned it but try to restrain yourself from spending everything in that category because, like I said before, things get very expensive very fast! Don't allow anything to make you lose focus on what you have both agreed on. Stick to the vision. I know, I know, it’s easier said than done but at least try. 

I'll be the first to tell you that planning a wedding is not easy but it can be less stressful if you plan it to be. During the planning stage, we had to keep reminding ourselves that we didn’t want to realize after-the-fact that stressing out was really not worth it so we learned to pace ourselves and took breaks when we needed to. Obviously don’t leave everything to the last minute but do develop a pace that is good for you. Wedding planning can be stressful and time-consuming but it can also be very fun. The key to all of this is, know your limits in every aspect of your planning. Do not get overwhelmed or overambitious. Of course, it’s your day and it’s important that you like what you see/feel on that day but it is also very important not to lose sight that it is one day in the greater span of your marriage so plan accordingly. The beautiful realities of marriage will set in quickly after and you don’t want unnecessary burdens that you didn’t really anticipate before (i.e. debt). 

     Before I wrap up here, I would like say that after putting all the energy into planning for your big day, make sure you enjoy it. Make it all worth your time and effort. I'll pass on an advice I got from a couple of previous brides that I took very literally. These were the exact words from one of them: 

"Enjoy every moment and don't stress about anything that goes wrong, because things will go wrong or things won't go exactly as planned. When you walk down the aisle, don't forget to look around at all the guests. It is a special moment. And soak it all in! Just have fun and go with the flow, and enjoy every moment, it will pass in a heartbeat!"

These words kept replaying in my head throughout the day and trust me, I can tell you that I wouldn't have had our wedding day any other way!

Happy wedding planning and remember to enjoy it all!

Great Venue and Vendors
Strathmere: https://www.strathmere.com/
Floral Decor: Plenty of Pretty by Sandra Mercer https://www.facebook.com/BackdropsOttawa/
Decor Item Rentals: Wishes Vintage Event Rentals  https://www.facebook.com/wishesvintagerentals/
Photography: http://www.phillipa.ca/