SURVIVED FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE and Looking forward to forever.

SURVIVED FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE and Looking forward to forever.

Saturday August 10^th, 2019 was our first wedding anniversary. Wow! A year already.

I was just thinking with immense joy how awesome God has been to my husband Tony and I throughout this past year. Before Tony and I got married, I used to occasionally hear and read about how challenging the first year(s) would be especially considering that Tony and I had never lived together before marriage. I can’t say that these comments got me scared but I believe it got me thinking a bit, especially about how our first year would be like. This is not my ultimate survival kit for marriage but I’d like to share with you guys some of the things I’ve learned this past year and hope to continue to use in the coming years of marriage. Marriage is not one size fits all and it truly has no manual but I hope you’ll take from this post only the parts that apply and is most useful to you and leave whatever might not be. If none of the points below apply to you, that’s fine too.

1.       Have a mindset of forever- When I started hearing comments about how difficult the first few years of marriage would be, I thought to myself, “so if the first few years are difficult, does it suddenly get better once you cross over to the other side of the ‘first few years'?”. So how would you get to the other side?

FAM…marriage is for LIFE not just a FEW YEARS! This is one of the first mindsets that I took on. If I was choosing to go into this thing called marriage, I had to make up my mind that it will be forever and make sure I wasn’t taking it lightly or betting on a Plan B. This was it. I began to think not only how the first year would be but how forever would be.

Both parties have a part to play here. In having this understanding, you set the tone for your marriage which is probably one of the best things you can do for your marriage. None of this 50/50 rhetoric. It’s 100 every day from you both. However, make sure you are not focusing on the other's 100% (it’s so tempting and I know I’ve failed at this many times). Focus on yours and make it the best 100% it can be.

2.       Take it one day at a time- I cannot stress this enough! You are not in a race with anyone. Take it easy. Getting into marriage can be a scary and a somewhat overwhelming thing especially if you start questioning whether you will be a good enough wife/husband. You will only find out when you get in it. There will definitely be some adjustment (some big and others small) to make, as well as learning curves, but through it all, remember to be kind to yourself and to each other.

3.       Take the advice that is relevant to you and leave the rest- Just like for many other things in life, so many people have been there done that and as a result people will give you advice (solicited and unsolicited). It’s okay to listen but based on your individual circumstance, sieve out what you need, perhaps keep some in your back pocket as you may need to draw on it later and toss the ones that are of no relevance to you. Most of the advice given are often well intended but remember that you get to make the call on what matters to you. Your ultimate source of wisdom for your marriage will always be God so keep going to Him for all the advice you need.

4.       Be patient and kind to each other- It may sound like a no-brainer but it does not always come as easily as you may think. You have to be intentional about it. There are times that you will not think your spouse deserves your patience or kindness and you may just be right, they probably don’t but try to pause and make a quick assessment. In the grand scheme of things, ask yourself: "how important will that thing I am so tempted to argue about going to be in a few hours or days compared to the effect it will have on my marriage in the long run?" Usually you will find that it is not that deep. Nevertheless, trust me…it is easier said than done and you will not always have a hold on yourself. The key here is to try!

5.       Communication- This is so important. I always thought this would come so easily to me until I got married and realized it is not all that easy to communicate. I mean it’s such a general concept that you don’t really think about the fact that there are so many specifics to it. Like how do you communicate?, Is it always necessary to communicate everything you’re feeling to the other person?, When do you communicate?. These are all specific aspects that I find you have to think about on a case-by-case basis. However, in spite of the complex nature of communication, it is important to talk to each other. Talk about your feelings, talk about your plans, talk about your concerns. Your spouse is not a mind reader even though we would like to think they are (how great would that be…or would it?).

Going back to my third point about relevant advice, this is not a one size fits all, five steps to a successful marriage blog piece. NOPE! We are all out here depending and drawing from God for each day that comes and I have only been married for a year so y’all may agree or disagree with the points I have made above depending on where you are in life. These are simply things that I have found have helped me push one day at a time in my marriage so please take what you want/need and toss the rest if you will.

Thanks for reading and sharing. Hope you all have a great day and see you on the next post 

(maybe next year…lol). JK, I will try to do better hehe.

Signed

Lynnette M.